Don't Kid Yourself,...

love is death! I love my wife. I am very happy to be married and am excited at the prospect of becoming a father but love is death to the individual self.

It's a wise groom who has to be dragged to the alter. He knows what love is. It's death! If the lovers don't know this, they're headed for trouble. Never will you have your way again. You can't be happy if the other person isn't. No matter who wins the argument, you lose. Always. The sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be.
     Love is an exercise in frustration. You leave the window up when you want it down. You watch someone else's favorite television program. You kiss when you have a headache. You turn the music down when you like it loud. You learn to be patient without sighing or sulking.
     Love is doing things for the other person. In marriage two become one. But the one isn't you. It's the other person. You love this person more than you love yourself. This means that you love this person as he or she is. We should ask ourselves frankly what that impulse is that makes us want to redesign the other person. It isn't love. We want the other person to be normal like us! But is that loving the other person or ourselves?
     Love brings out the best in people. They can be themselves without artificiality. People who know they're loved glow with beauty and charm. Let this person talk. Create the assurance that any idea, an suggestion, any feeling can be expressed and will be respected. Allow the other person to star once in a while. A wife's joke doesn't have to be topped. Don't correct your husband in the middle of his story. Cultivate kind ways of speaking. It can be as simple as asking them instead of telling them what to do.
     Don't take yourself too seriously. Married life is full of crazy mirrors to see ourselves - how stubborn, how immature we really are. You may be waiting for you wife to finish because you never lifted a finger to help her.
     Love is funny. Its growth doesn't depend on what someone does for you. It's in proportion to what you do for him or her. The country is swarming with people who have never learned this. So are divorce courts.

- Michael P. Horban